“If you want to be happy, you have to be happy on purpose.” – Joel Osteen
I haven’t posted a blog for a while as I have been supporting my family through a difficult time. I am writing today from an entirely different place.
It’s been nine months since I was given a second chance at life. And I have an opportunity to sit in the quiet (which is rare with two young kids) and reflect on the last nine months.
In all honesty, I don’t think I’ve come any closer to ‘figuring out life’, but I’m coming to the realisation that, that is not the point to life.
Nobody is perfect, and never will be. We can either survive life (happily or not), or we can choose to try and be a better us, each day.
This is a photo of me at a wedding three years ago. When I look at photos of myself over the past years, I see nothing but fear and anxiety in my eyes. 👀 It’s all I see in photos of me over many years.
Sobriety has taught me (so far) that feelings are meant to be felt. I still suffer from unpleasant emotions; anxiety, stress, anger, grief, frustration… all of which I know I still hate… but have learned that they are normal. AND THEY DO PASS! Nobody I have spoken to has ever said, “I LOVE anxiety!” 🤪 If you do, I’d love to meet you! But if we don’t feel our feelings, in their entirety NOW, and let them pass on their own (which they will), they come back later in toxic ways. Perhaps in ways we are not even aware of.
“Life is like a piano. White keys are happy moments and black keys are sad moments. But remember, both keys are played together to make music.”
This is me today, nine months sober, at the park playing with my children. Enjoying the freedom that is life. 😁 When I look at photos of myself now, I don’t see a prison of thoughts and feelings… I see freedom.
Don’t get me wrong… I am completely and utterly, admittedly, an over thinker. 🙄 But I am not imprisoned by my thoughts and feelings any longer. I know they come, but then they do go. I have learnt to be patient with that process.
I am currently studying a course about learning to be a peaceful parent, and how to pass on those traits to my children. 📖 I’m almost at the end of the course and have found it to be very on point! 👌🏻There is certainly no end to learning and growing, and I take up any opportunity I can to expand my knowledge. Part of the course teaches how to model ‘how you would see a peaceful parent act, talk and behave’. If you look at that in other ways, you could say;
How would a calm person act, talk and behave?
How would a sober person act, talk and behave?
How would an efficient employee act, talk and behave?
In other words, how would you walk, stand, talk, hold your posture if you wanted to be [something]? Imagine it, then be that! What you’re actually doing then is re-wiring your brain to think, speak and act in line with how you want to be…. pretty powerful thing – our minds.
“Everything you have ever wanted, is on the other side of fear.”
I’ve also learned, that you cannot control ANYONE ELSE but yourself. But the good thing is, you’re not responsible for anyone else, but yourself. So your thoughts, actions, words and behaviours are completely your responsibility. One of life’s handful of things you ‘can’t take back’, is ‘Words that have been spoken’. Always wise to be careful what comes out! 🤭
I’m learning to trust myself. Because I know in my heart who I am, where I’ve been and where I’d like to go. I trust my body and mind that I know how to take care of myself and my family. There is never any reason to doubt your own self….. and it is not acceptable of anyone to try and make you doubt yourself.
Only you need to answer to yourself…
And it’s all about the climb! So often I find myself setting goals and only being happy with myself until I have achieved the entire thing! What I have forgotten along the way, is that life is a journey, not a destination. We need to learn to enjoy all of life’s experiences because it’s the journey that makes our life what it is, not where we end up.
So I guess the message I’m trying to portray, is that none of us have it figured out… and the beauty is we don’t have to. We are all on our own journey, and we all go through life. Just once. I think focusing on positive emotions in your life, like love, happiness, joy… will ultimately make you unconsciously seek out all the positive in the world… ‘Like attracts like!’
If you get a chance, try and focus outwardly and see how you might be able to help someone with their journey. 🙏🏻 What an amazing thing it is, to be able to get up each day and face a new day of opportunity.