I toiled over this post all day! I started writing a personal blog in the hope to make sense of my thoughts, and also to provide some support to at least one person out there! 🌍
I make no secret of the fact that today I am 105 days free of my addiction to alcohol!🙌🏻💃🏼
Also another insight into me is that I have accepted to suffer with anxiety pretty much my whole life… Along with trying to deal with the impact I let other people’s actions and words have on me throughout my life, I made a choice (at some point) to ‘escape’ from my troubled mind, with wine, rather than confront my issue in a healthy way.
Over the last three months, I have been living in a complete state of euphoria since overcoming my addiction, because I won! I beat it!!!! 🏆😁 I have felt pure elation for life and have been feeling invincible! 💪🏻 But I’ve got to say that the high is now returning to some sort of normality….
At the beginning of today, I did not understand why I was suddenly feeling the same old familiar negative, racing thoughts that always lead to anxiety or panic attacks for me. Why was I now all of a sudden letting myself think this way again?
(I must add here that I am still NOT tempted to have a drink! But I can see where and why I went that way in the past!)
I HATE feeling anxious!!! 😡
I have now seen how much life can be enjoyed so I am not settling for any less! So now, I choose to overcome my anxiety, in a healthy way.
In the midst of feeling anxious today, I had thoughts such as; “Is what they have said about me true?”, “Is this all my fault?”, “Am I going crazy?”, Do I need to grow up?”, “Is there something physically wrong with me causing these feelings?”, “What does my body need to fix this?”. 🤔
The truth is, none of these things were true… and I didn’t need anything but reassurance that I was just feeling anxious, and it will pass, along with some self affirmations!
When you speak to loved ones about how you are feeling, they will no doubt reassure you that you are fine and you are loved. ❤️
Sometimes, it takes a third party to make things even clearer to you if you are blinding yourself with anxious thoughts. So today, I rang a free Australian counselling service that is available 24 hours a day, to get an unbiased opinion.
I told the health professional on the phone a brief snapshot of how I was feeling and a bit about the journey I have recently been on. He said to me that if he met me when I was dancing and jumping around everyday completely high on life, but also being a fifowife and Mum of two young ones, he would’ve thought there was something wrong! He said, the way I am feeling now is more realistic and normal given my circumstances. 👍🏻
He went on to discuss different ways of coping with the day to day anxiety and had a general chat. At the end of the call, I felt I needed to just get one more hit of reassurance, so I asked, “So in your opinion, I’m okay?” He replied, “Have you not been listening to me? You are doing an AMAZING job!!!!”.
So then I felt reassured enough to turn my day around and enjoy what was left of it! 😁
I have realised that I am human… and not only do I have feelings, I also love others fearlessly and care too much about how people feel about me. I find it hard to ignore negative comments or negativity toward me, and tend to take things to heart. 😞 I am making it a personal goal to learn to protect myself by forgiving others for their mistakes, but then also walk away because whilst they may or may not be sorry, it is harder to regain trust once it is broken. 💔
I made mention before that I have suffered similar anxiety throughout my lifetime. But I do believe we all have a choice to accept the way we are and ‘exist’, or get up and fight for a better life! 👊🏻 My family are worth fighting for! 👧🏻👶🏻
So whilst it may take time to retrain my mind to think differently, and time to really believe in the fact that I have made HUGE, positive and healthy changes in my life, I am uncomfortably living with anxiety. 😒 The difference is, this time I am facing it head on and saying NO!!! 🤚🏻
I post this chart as a reminder to yourself of what you are responsible for within yourself. I pray that you find the strength to let go of what you are not responsible for or in control of! 🙏🏻
May you choose to make 2019 awesome, and settle for nothing less!!! 😁