Daily Growth, Healthy Living, Never Give Up, Personal Blog, Recovery, Trust The Journey

Self Discovery…

Good morning and welcome to the weekend! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿผ

Unfortunately I’ve got some sort of bug ๐Ÿค’ that has made me lose my voice, but the family don’t mind because I can’t yell at them! ๐Ÿ˜‚

My son has fallen asleep on me so while I’m stuck (because I just can’t move him ‘coz he’s too damn cute!) I’ve been scrolling through my phone and found two photos.

I think they depict, very well, the physical journey that Motherhood has taken me on, through to my now recovery.

Motherhood has always been a wonderful dream in my mind, and when I look at my two children now, I cannot believe that I have been pregnant twice and given birth, twice! Such a blessing! ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป But, I did NOT enjoy pregnancy or the births AT ALL!!!!!

I am quite short, and I fell in love with and married a giant! ๐Ÿ˜‚ Statistically I was destined to have monster babies…. I showed very early on in both pregnancies, and ended up MASSIVE! Before I was pregnant and throughout my life, I have always been very little. I could eat and enjoy anything without gaining or losing much weight. My Mother always said “Just you wait!!!” And I have since found out why…. ๐Ÿ˜

Before my first pregnancy, I weighed about 65 kilograms and had no idea what my body was going to go through along with the joys of becoming a parent! When I found out I was pregnant, amongst a bit of profanity at the realisation, I was more scared of the prospect of getting ‘morning sickness’ because I had suffered Emetophobia for many years, (or a fear of vomiting). I was lucky enough not to get any morning sickness, but I did however gain A LOT of weight to accommodate my baby and suffered from A LOT of pain in my lower stomach and lower back. Towards the end of my pregnancy, I was unable to get myself out of the bath and it took ages to get up, let my legs and back adjust, and waddle a few metres… My obstetrician kept commenting along the way that I was gaining a bit too much weight, and he tested for gestational diabetes, but I didn’t really think too much of it and instead kept focusing on the unknown of birth and motherhood that was awaiting. In total, I gained 23 kilograms and weighed 88 kilograms when my first child was born. She was born by emergency c-section two weeks before my due date.

My husband and I were immediately besotted with our baby girl and excited about our new lives as parents. ๐Ÿ˜

(Such relief it was all over!)

But, our family wasn’t yet complete and were very blessed to find out we were expecting another baby a couple of years later!

About half way through, we found out we were expecting a boy! I never, EVER imagined I would have a little boy, and couldn’t imagine bonding with him or loving him like I did my daughter. (I later found out I would fall absolutely head over heels in love all over again, and can’t imagine life without him!)

The joys of pregnancy came flooding back although the second time I was in A LOT more pain and couldn’t even waddle without a support band around my lower stomach and back. The lack of movement made me gain another 10 kilograms, on top of the weight I still hadn’t lost from my first pregnancy. By the end of my pregnancy, my obstetrician informed me I should elect for another c-section because my little boy was so big he would rip me apart if I tried a natural birth. My baby boy was born at 38 weeks, weighing 9.7 pounds and my husband and I, once again, were besotted.

I weighed 98 kilos.

The day my second baby was born

I looked in the mirror a lot while I was pregnant and could definitely see (and feel) the huge tummy I was getting, but I didn’t see a lot of difference in the rest of my body. I can now look at pictures of me at that time and it’s like a big slap in the face! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

Since the birth of my second child, I have battled severe anxiety which led to addiction and it also made me lose my appetite. Along with the increased activity of chasing after two young children, I began to lose weight.

(Not eating properly and drinking too much is not a healthy way to go about losing weight so please don’t follow in my footsteps! ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป )

However, at the end of my journey to date, I have overcome my addiction which has in turn made me overcome Emetophobia and the severe anxiety I was experiencing, and I have lost 30 kilos.

Me today

I am eating very healthily and not drinking anything but water, cups of tea and Peach flavoured Ice Tea. โ˜•๏ธ And the running around has become a lot more as my little ratbags have grown!!! ๐Ÿ˜

I will never have a ‘bikini’ bod again and I see a lot of loose skin, stretch marks and VERY deflated boobs, but I wear them with pride now! As Motherhood has been, and is, the most amazing, special and wonderful blessing I have ever had in my life! ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป And now that I am living life with so much less anxiety and so much more clarity, I am feeling love for my family much more than I ever thought I was capable of!! โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ

I enjoy seeing pictures of myself now, as I look like a completely new person! And I feel completely new! I am happy and free.

May everyone have and love the blessing of family, and never lose sight of who you are!

All the very best! ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป x

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